Thursday, March 12, 2009

a thought.

'just cus i m seemingly living in a God-forsaken land doesnt mean i have to live a God-forsaken life.'

these few days i have been thinking alot and feeling alot. life in his battalion isnt really ideal. and sometimes i dont even long for the book out. i just long for the day where there isnt a weird system, out of a weird implementation, out of a weird person. that greatly inconveniences me, that steals away the time i can spend polishing up myself or my work. i treasure my job loads and i ll always give my best. i think my boss is sharp, logical, rational yet emphatic & down to earth. he has my utmost respect. so does my other boss, the one i share an office with.

however when i live in the world that surrounds my job, that is this battalion. i just cant help but feel disappointed, sometimes miserable. its beyond comprehension for me how this place can have a lack of logic and reasoning, zero empathy and a heavy load of hierarchical nonsense. and when i say hierarchical nonsense, i only mean one guy.

disappointed at the mindsets of those around. even one close to me, whom i consider one of my closer frens. i dont really like the abrasiveness words and tone of voice. the excuses we make for ourselves to take mc & do other stuff, to do this and that. i may be silent sometimes, but when u complain to me, and the things u tell me in ur own time, i can see thru u, into ur thoughts, into ur motives, as much as i can never get u to admit to it, its evident in the way u speak. then another is the disgust i have at myself, for letting myself get sucked into this mindset sometimes. for subscribing to it now and then. for being in practice of it. embarrassing. i wish i could chill. then, with the non work related load stacking up on our shoulders, the frustration that the 'less able' just wont do anything to lighten the load kinda irks me.

like that. so how. do we all llst?? lan lan suck thumb. for me, i dont know where to go and wad to think. i totally lost my mood today for photoshop, or gym, or anything. i just feel like taking a long deep rest. clear my mind. clear my grouses. clear my burdens.

to do my COPA job to the best of my abilities. to keep fit and lose the tummy. to learn skills in photoshop, illustrator, web design, html, powerpoint presentation. to take driving lessons at the tail end. these are the very essentials i hope to better myself with by the time i get out of here. my time here can get pretty dodgy. but i promise to try my best, to get better, to be better, to be the best that i can be. those are the goals i hope to achieve in national service.

tired out for now.

i shall drift away for the rest of today.

|cowpoo| 6:01 PM|

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